WHY I CREATED THIS PROGRAM

Ever since I was 12 years old I have been thinking about my body, my weight and my life!

I remember the very moment I started giving my size power over me. I had moved from Edmonton to Toronto and I was eating the same way I always had but I was playing much less. One day my well-meaning Auntie came over and made a comment on how big my thighs had become. I remember looking down at my purple pants, and feeling a sense of shame and shock I had never experienced before. From that moment on… I became obsessed with losing weight.

I have gone through all the motions - attempting to not eat at all, attempting to bring up everything that went down, Chinese diet teas, slim fast, Cabbage soup diet grapefruit diet, master cleanse and Lord knows what else! You may relate, having tried everything known to man, FDA approved or not, finding a small degree of success and gaining it all back plus a few extra!

I have lost weight, gained weight… I’ve lost weight even when I really didn’t need to because every time I looked in the mirror I compared myself to an ideal that, simply put, was not meant for me.

I experienced many patterns of anxiety and depression throughout my life, and that shaped the way that I thought and felt about myself. When I began my journey of creating myself, these patterns continued to rise to the surface, reminding me of the years of social programming that we as women have endured.

But in the middle of the night, after a major heart break, I could feel my body beginning to embody old patterns of thinking and being — then I heard a whisper.

It told me I had a CHOICE.

I could choose to do what I have always done and continue to get what I have always got OR I could do something else and maybe, just maybe, CREATE something new in my life.

In that very moment, I didn’t know what that ‘something’ might be. In fact I had NO clue. All I knew, and all I could feel, was I was SICK and TIRED of being SICK and TIRED!

I knew that I deserved happiness, even though I could barely fathom it in that moment.

I realized that no one could give it to me… No one could create it for me - JUST ME.

The funny thing about creating something for yourself: NO ONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU!

So… I CHOSE ME.

I chose to truly dive deep into my body, and into MY LIFE.  I chose to figure out what worked for my body, and what doesn’t. What I like and what I don’t like.

Three days after the whisper I entered into a bikini competition that was a mere THREE months away. I won't lie. It was a scary. I had grown up with so many judgments about myself.

My body shape. My skin colour. My hair.

I knew I had to do something different. I knew that the life I dreamed about living did not exist within my comfort zone. So I promised myself I would do it MY WAY - that I would do this to figure out ME!

No dietitian, No trainer… ALL ME.

I wanted to listen to my body in the deepest of ways and respond in a loving manner. I wanted to be my biggest cheerleader and own best friend. I am happy to say, that is exactly what I did.

I didn’t place in the competition, but I can tell you one thing...

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